poor man's plunder

by Caligula's Launderette

  • Poetry
  • Narrative

Published October 7, 2005

In Poems

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Girl: Hey I didn't know CL could write narrative poetry.
Guy: Neither did I, kinda wierd don't cha think?
ME: Hey you, ya you over there, I am right here! (to myself) don't you hate it when people talk about you right in front of you? Oi...vey...

well heres the poem, have no idea where it came from. don't even know if I like the title. comments appreciated.

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poor man's plunder

Javinder was a spineless man
tall, and lank, and lean
with minute ebony curls that like angry misquitos attached themselves to his
head: shiny, tanned by the sun and with
balsa sweet skin towers high
the black of his skin glints like knives

for he was a poor man
with cultured gait and talk
for he was a rich man
who stole the pennyvault

Javinder was a clever man
hands as quick as King
he liked to watch the flotilla rest its
might arms in the blue sparkling bay
but never did Javinder say why
he smiled so
with ACCIDENT in his eyes

for he was a poor man
the desolate salt of the earth
for he was a rich man
consoled in the knowledge of his birth

---

so tell me how ya like it...please.

Comments & reviews · 2
User avatar
J.C. Belding
Comment
J.C. Belding commented Comment · Dec 11, 2007

Your poems pretty good but you should fix up some grammatical errors. It could also have been written more clearly.

User avatar
motherflippinflapjacks
Review
motherflippinflapjacks wrote a review Review · Dec 1, 2007

Caligula's Launderette wrote:
Javinder was a spineless man
tall, and lank, and lean
with minute ebony curls that like angry misquitos attached themselves to his
head: shiny, tanned by the sun and with
balsa sweet skin towers high
the black of his skin glints like knives

for he was a poor man
with cultured gait and talk
for he was a rich man
who stole the pennyvault

Javinder was a clever man
hands as quick as King
he liked to watch the flotilla rest its
might arms in the blue sparkling bay
but never did Javinder say why
he smiled so
with ACCIDENT in his eyes

for he was a poor man
the desolate salt of the earth
for he was a rich man
consoled in the knowledge of his birth

---

so tell me how ya like it...please.


This post is so old! haha

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Anyways, I really like both the title and the subject of the poem. I just have a few minor suggestions on certain lines.

with minute ebony curls that like angry misquitos attached themselves to his


For this line, I'd say cut it in thirds inbetween "curls" and "that" and "misquitos" and "attached."

hands as quick as King


I'd add "a" inbetween "as" and "king."

Besides these two things, the imagery and beat of the poem is good. Well done.



Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
— Groucho Marx